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A fear of TRAFFIC?

For a while I thought simply that my fear was a fear of driving. But I had no issues changing the car from one parking space to the next, driving it in enclosed spaces, and in empty streets and parking lots. That was when I realized: I have a fear of TRAFFIC.

The area I live in is usually heavily congested, and I live in an apartment builiding overviewing the highway. Almost every day I see car accidents, belligerent drivers, quick reflexes being put to good use to avoid a collision, and things of the sort. I’m not afraid of driving at all. In fact, I drive VERY well at night, and it is incredibly relaxing. It’s also very liberating. So what if I see one or two cars driving alongside me? The street is practically empty, I have plenty of room for quick stops, wide turns, or pulling over. It’s a breeze.

Until I get to a street with a long line of cars, or just a few more cars that while it wouldn’t constitute bumper-to-bumper traffic, it would still be too many.

I am naturally a very anxous person, and I’m always preoccupied about making the wrong move or failing in something. The way I see it, the reason why I’m afraid to go out and drive is because I’m afraid of driving around a large number of cars, and I don’t trust my abilities well enough. If I make the mistake of not stopping on time, or not seeing a stop sign, and I cause an accident, I’ll see myself as a failure and so will everyone else. People will be angry at me for an honest mistake and I’ll never forgive myself and forget the embarassment. It’s already happened twice, once where I was at fault, and another time where I could’ve been at fault had the person not made an illegal manuever. Both times there was no damage whatsoever to my vehicle (Jeeps ftw lol), but there was noticable damage on the other parties’ vehicles. Both times nobody was injured, and I didn’t suffer any consequences other than my own increased fear and anxiety.

Can anyone relate to me? Is anyone else’s fear here not of driving, but of traffic itself?

Miaow823 your post describes exactly how I feel about driving.  I love my little car and love driving her, or at least I would if everyone else would stay off the roads.  I’m terrified of making a mistake and facing disapproval too.  Some years ago I made a mistake turning right (in the UK) onto a busy road in the middle of town where the cars in the far lane were stationary as a little further down the road there were traffic lights.  A driver in the queue of traffic let me in but there wasn’t really enough room to join the queue and turn to the right but, rather than trust my own judgement, I followed his instructions and I ended up being stuck across both lanes and eventually having to mount the pavement in order to turn when the traffic did start moving.  The glares I got from people made me understand the saying "I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me". It still haunts me now and this was over 15 years ago.

Eleven years ago I moved to London and never drove while I was there. Recently we moved out of London and I needed to get a car again. I bought the car 17th December and took some refresher lessons with a driving instructor while helped me enormously.  Yesterday I drove a 150 mile return journey, partly on the motorway (freeway), the return journey being in the dark and some rain and snow.  What helped me face it was reading other people’s stories and knowing I wasn’t alone. Oh and a very patient helpful husband sat in the passenger seat next to me helping me all the way bless him.  And sat nav of course, thank heavens for sat nav.

Oh, my gosh. I am SO happy you posted this! I am the same exact way, and I have been trying to research anxiety and drving, and I couldn’t fing anything to relate to because I’m not scared of driving, I’m scared of TRAFFIC. Thank you so much for posting this.

I also was in an accident where I made a mistake and hit another car. No one was injured, my car was fine, his had a DENT, and my insurance covered everything because im on my grandparents, so again, so trouble, except my feeling of failure ness, and aboslute stupidness.

I recently just got a grooming job in a city with more trafic than mine, I hate it. I try to make sure I leave before the traffic starts, or else I panic. My job is too good to give up.

No one knows it, but this fear literally runs my life. Before I leave anywhere, I always consider if traffic will be bad, then I usually wait until night time to even leave because I feel the traffic will be better. I panic at night because I’m afraid of the next mornings drive.

When I have to drive in traffic, and I panic, I just breath, and tell myself I’m ok. It helps, but not much. I was looking into therapy, or meds. My boyfriend is a great help, and he’s offered to go out and drive with me in heavy traffic, but its just so hard.

What are some of the things you try to do to calm down? I’d love to know.

Oh, my gosh. I am SO happy you posted this! I am the same exact way, and I have been trying to research anxiety and drving, and I couldn’t fing anything to relate to because I’m not scared of driving, I’m scared of TRAFFIC. Thank you so much for posting this.

I also was in an accident where I made a mistake and hit another car. No one was injured, my car was fine, his had a DENT, and my insurance covered everything because im on my grandparents, so again, so trouble, except my feeling of failure ness, and aboslute stupidness.

I recently just got a grooming job in a city with more trafic than mine, I hate it. I try to make sure I leave before the traffic starts, or else I panic. My job is too good to give up.

No one knows it, but this fear literally runs my life. Before I leave anywhere, I always consider if traffic will be bad, then I usually wait until night time to even leave because I feel the traffic will be better. I panic at night because I’m afraid of the next mornings drive.

When I have to drive in traffic, and I panic, I just breath, and tell myself I’m ok. It helps, but not much. I was looking into therapy, or meds. My boyfriend is a great help, and he’s offered to go out and drive with me in heavy traffic, but its just so hard.

What are some of the things you try to do to calm down? I’d love to know.

Hi mollyyyy

Since I posted my last post I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no point beating my self up about it. It’s ok to feel anxious about some aspects of driving. I think I’ll always feel some degree of anxiety about it and if I set myself a goal of getting to the stage where I feel no anxiety, I’ll never reach that goal, I’ll feel a failure and eventually I’ll just want to give up driving altogether.

I’ve found it almost a relief to decide that I don’t have to stop feeling anxious. I’m going to feel anxious anyway and feeling under pressure not to feel anxious was making me feel even more anxious. A large percentage of people feel the same, it doesn’t mean I’m inadequate.

The goal, then, should be to reduce the anxiety to a level where it doesn’t affect my driving, I’m still safe to get behind the wheel and I don’t break out in a panic.

Deep breaths are certainly a help. I also remind myself that I’ve been trained by a professional and he said I’m a good driver. If I remember what he taught me and drive accordingly I’ll be fine.

I assume you’re writing from the US. From what I’ve read I think that over there you don’t use professional driving instructors as much as we do here in the UK. Before taking the driving test here people usually have around 40 hours of lessons with a professional driving instructor. Many people then go on to do an advanced driving course after that. I would say go out with your boyfriend for some practice by all means but do take some additional lessons with a professional. They have been trained to train you to drive properly and, for me any way, knowing that I’ve been trained to a good standard just makes me feel that I’ve as much right to be on the road as anyone else.

Lastly, when I know that I’ve got to drive somewhere and I feel the anxiety starting to rise, I remind myself of the terrific feeling I always get when I get back home after having driven somewhere sucessfully and made it back home again. A couple of times I’ve been so pleased with myself I’ve been jumping about with the joy of it, so I remember that when I have to drive the next time.

One last thing you might find useful is to drive the journey you usually take to work but on a weekend or a day off. You may find that driving the journey just for the sake of it, (I won’t say for the fun of it) not bacause you have to, makes you feel differently about it and you can then use your knowledge of yourself to explore the difference. I’ve not explained that very well but I hope you know what I mean.

I’d love to hear how you’re doing with it so do please post again soon. I’m off now to put on my lucky driving shoes (very important those) and drive to the supermarket. My heart is beating like mad but that’s ok. Wish me luck.

?Well I too am afraid of traffic and changing lanes and getting lost and new places to drive.  I make stupid insane mistakes because I am so stressed.  Yesterday I made an illegal U tirn in frt of a police office and received a ticket.  Insane.  Too make matters worse I got a red light ticket two months ago for not stopping fully at a right light before turning right.  I am totally paniced now and have no idea what is going to happen to me.  I will have to go to court and I am terrified.  TERRIFIED.  I had missed a turn in an unfamiliar area and was looking for a place to turn around.  I was going further and further and finally saw a place where U turns were allowed.  I was so relieved that when the light turned green I made the turn instead of waiting.  What was I doing?  What is going to happen to me and how do I get in a car again.  I can’t tell anyone.  I am so ashamed.  These are the first times I have ever received a ticket and I am 65.  I have always been afraid, but lately there is a lot of other stress in my life (got laid off in July and where am I going to find work?) Why am I falling apart and what do I do?  What will happen to me in court?  I feel like life is not worth living anymore.

Oh you poor thing motherficore.  Since I made my first post here I got a new job involving a fair amount of driving!!!  I know, crazy, but I’m not finding it too bad thanks to my trusty satnav. No way could I do it without my satnav. Also I try and look on google street view first to see where I’m going.

When is your court date? You say you’re particularly stressed at the moment, have you been to see your doctor about this?

Well not yet - but I am going to go and get something for anxiety.  I give up.  I do not like taking a lot of drugs, but I can’t go on like this.  I do not know how I am going to survive waiting to see what is going to happen from all of this.  I need to know exactly what I am facing.  What is satnav?

Satnav is what we call GPS here in England. I assume you’re in the US? If that’s the case, then I don’t know what your court process is over there but what’s the worst that could happen? A fine? A licence suspension? At least then you won’t have to drive for a while, always a silver lining. Whatever happens, they won’t shout at you.

Why not try googling for what is likely to happen at the court, forewarned is forearmed, then write down all your fears about how bad it could be and seal it up in an envelope and hide it away in a drawer until the court date comes along, that way, you’ve dealt with your worry and you can put it away until the time comes.

In the meantime, do go and see your doctor. Drugs are not the only option, there’s relaxation tecniques, hypnotherapy, talking therapies. Anxiety is an illness, not a weakness, but it’s a temporary thing and you just need to find the right therapy for you to help alleviate your anxiety symptoms while you get your head together and if that means taking a pill for a short while then that’s better than what you’re feeling now.

And there’s always talking to me on here if that helps.  :)

Thank you.  Thank you so much.  You have some very good sensible advice.  I am in the US - California.  We are ALL crazy here anyway :)   I will talk to you as I can’t tell anyone here what is going on.  They would not believe it.  I have spent years and years hiding my fears or when they do surface I have had extreme redicule - even disguist.  So I will not be talking about this.  Thank you again.  I appreciate it.  How in the world did YOU get here?  You sound quite together.

Hey, you’re welcome.

I googled my way onto here in January. I’d just bought a car for the first time in about 12 years, having been living in London for that time where you don’t need a car because there’s plenty of public transport. We moved out of London back to the sticks and we needed a car. Hubby didn’t drive at the time, though he does now, so I needed to be the driver. I’ve never been a confident driver, thanks to being put down by my first husband. I took some refresher lessons but I was still feeling ill at the thought of driving which is how I found myself here.

It’s still not my favorite thing in the world but thanks to my GPS, Google street view and a bit of practice I can now get behind the wheel without shaking like a leaf.

As you will see if you read back on this thread, the turning point for me came when I decided that it was ok to be a nervous driver and not to beat myself up about it which only made me feel worse. It also made me feel better to find out that there were people who were worse than me  :)

I work in mental health and Hubby has Anxiety Disorder so I know a bit about anxiety.  I think people treating you with ridicule and disgust is really bad. Whatever happened to sympathy? Everyone’s nervious of something, heights, spiders, bees etc. Personally I can’t understand anyone who is not a little nervious of driving, it’s difficult and dangerous and if people treated driving a car with a bit more respect there might be a few less accidents.

Obviously you have had triggers which have increased your anxiety levels lately, like getting laid off, I was laid off in 2007 so I know what that’s like. If something had happened to you which wasn’t your fault, say you broke your leg, you wouldn’t beat yourself up about the fact you were limping for a while. This is exactly the same. Something outside of your control has happened to put a dent in you and you’ll be limping a bit emotionally untill you get over it. Don’t worry about it, it’s not your fault, you just need to take some time and help yourself heal. Try cake!!!! Nothing like cake to help you heal  :) Or whatever works for you. Make a list of things you love to do, like a walk on the beach/in the woods, baking, soaking in the tub. Then do something nice for yourself everyday. It’ll help you heal.

C’mon, let’s start your list. What do you love to do?

I love being with my animals.  I have two cats and a Great Dane puppy of all things.  I try and focus on what they need.  Much of what I love to do, besides reading, involves leaving the house and since I am laid off - and in today’s economy Have little hope of getting another job at my age - I am cut off from other people and that just makes it worse.  Actually due to childhood where my mother installed FEAR in me of everything and trying anything new I have pretty much fought this sort of battle every day of my life.  Every new job has been a nightmare.  Yet I managed to excell in each of those jobs.  That does not make a bit of difference whenever I do something new - and now if I take a new route in the car etc I am in a panic.  And I can’t believe I made a stupid error like I did.  This certainly heightens anxiety.  I have not been able to eat the last few days (not that THAT is entirely bad of course) and today I have a lunch meeting and will have to venture out in the car for the first time.  OMG!!!!!  I took an old Xanax and will face it.  I am going to make an appointment for the doctor - have to wait until September as I also turn 65 then and medicare sets in so I will have some help with medication.  Actually turning 65 does not help either.  My husband died in a car accident in my frt yard 5 years ago and that does not help either.  I think I need a horse and buggy and the 1800’s.  I am just so very tired of facing one trauma after another after another.  I do not want to do this anymore.  But of course I have too.  Glad I found this forum.  At least I am not the only person on earth this foolish

I don’t think you’re foolish. Foolish would have been slamming your foot on the gas and running down the cop who gave you the ticket. You just made a mistake.

You’re obviously very brave too. Not just because you have a great dane puppy :D but to go through life afraid but face it anyway is incredibly brave. People who feel no fear are not brave, fearlessness is not the same as bravery. True bravery is to do something which you do find scary. I should know, I’m a scaredy cat too.

What I do when I need to feel strong is to play the music I used to listen to when I was a know-it-all teenager and knew no fear.

Well, it’s 8.40pm here in England so by my reckoning it’s 12.40pm where you are so I’ll wish you luck with your lunch meeting, let me know how it went.

Strange isn’t it.  The one thing I am not afraid of is the Great Dane!  She is 5 1/2 months old and 80 pounds and I walk her every day.  She went to obedience class and did very well but is still a puppy and has some spaz moments.

We both must be very brave then :) I saw a line in a movie once where the guy said he was afraid of the elastic on his underwear.  I think about that one often.  I have not sunk that low as yet…..

I did make it to lunch and back but I do pretty good in familiar territory.  I won’t use the parking lot however as it is very tight and I am "afraid" I will hit someone.    How embarrassing.  Honestly most people that are aquainted with me would never believe this in a million years.  Even having to hide it all the time adds to the stress.  I appreciate this forum and being able to speak freely.  What an enormous relief!  Thank you for listening.  You are very kind.

Parking! (shudder) I hate parking. Here in the UK, nowadays they teach you to reverse into a parking bay and also how to reverse into a space between two cars on the street but when I learned to drive they didn’t teach you that so I will only drive forward into a parking space and I sometimes mess that up. Personally I can’t see why anyone should have to reverse into a bay in a parking lot because mostly you would be going shopping or something where you would need to get into the trunk and if you have reversed into the bay you can’t get to your trunk so why bother? That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

I had to travel into town the other week for work and I parked on a very crowded street and scraped my nice shiny wheels on the kerb. Nope, parking is not my forte I’m afraid. But, looking on the bright side, at least we’re not afraid of the elastic in our underwear :D

Are you nervous of anything else? I used to be terrified of travelling by train in case I got on the wrong one. I’m still a bit worried using a small train station I don’t know but 12 years living in London and taking the train every day mostly cured me. Also I don’t like snooty receptionists or any mean people in general. And the dentist of course.

Oh my gosh yes I am nervous of all sorts of new things.  Planes, trains and automobiles, certainly the dentist (nightmare).  I have been unfortunate enough to work for many companies in this difficult economy that have folded - so I needed to start new jobs over and over.  And that is very difficult for me.  I panic when I am learning new systems and proceedures.  I generally get to a point where I think I have it down and then for who knows what reason, I am a total blank on all of it.  It terrifies me.  I go home and think I cannot do the job and have no idea how to do anything.  In a day or two of sheer panic suddenly I am OK again and life is good. Very strange.  And I have had some very difficult jobs.  One was answering complaints addressed to the president of Chase Manhattan.  I was expected to research the issue, solve it and resopond within 10 days.  I also had to protect Chase from law suits while I was at it.  I loved it.  Then they moved that job out of state.  I was asked to go, but in a relationship and could not leave the area.  So I guess I can do stuff - I just do not believe I can.  Now I am horrified that I am senile suddenly or something.  Until I get a letter or find a post on line about this ticket I am in a total panic.  I can’t even eat.  Makes me sick.  This could be a minimum of 10 days and if it never posts, I have to wait until Sept 23 to go to court.  By that time I will be in a home of some sort……

I am alone most of the time and I think that makes the situation worse.  Nothing to take my mind off of it and no one around to distract me or a job to keep me focused on other things.  Interesting situation. 

Is this of any help?

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/traffic/common.htm

Wow - that is a great site - helps with a lot of questions.  Thank you so much.  At lest it gives me some information on the whole ordeal.  Honestly I feel like Thelma and Louise (both of them), Ma Barker, and who knows who else.  I will be so relieved when I at least know what I have to do.  It seems this will show up on my driving record and affect my insurance.  Hopefully that is all that will happen besides my fine of course.  Now I have to find the confidence and courage to keep going out and getting in the car.  Not so easy.  I am going to get a gps as well. 

You have been very kind and helpful in getting me through these very long and difficult days awaiting my fate.  Many, many thanks and prayers!

Ma Barker, that’s funny :D When this is all over, perhaps you could set up a self help group for middle aged desperados. :D

I’ve put the court date in my calendar and I’ll be sending you positive vibes on the day. I hope they reach across the atlantic :)

Is there anyone who can go to the court with you? They may have to wait outside the actualy court room but at least you’d have someone there with you. And remember, whatever happens, 100 years from now, none of it will matter.